


See you in the morning

by nefariosity



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Dementia, Family, I am so sorry, Illnesses, M/M, Major character death is off-screen, Memory Loss, Sad Ending, Sad with a Sad Ending, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefariosity/pseuds/nefariosity
Summary: Lila was just finishing up her dinner when something occurred to Zeb. “Where’s your papa? He’s missing dinner. He’s going to be so cranky.” A sense of dread filled his chest, but he wasn’t sure why. His nose was stuffy and his voice felt thick, like he’d been crying. Why would he have been crying? Lila sighed, the smile fading from her face, and rubbed her eyes.“He had to go on an overnight trip. Why don’t we get to bed, okay? If you go to sleep, you’ll hardly have to wait to see him in the morning.”An overnight trip? That seemed odd, but Zeb accepted it. He did tend to forget these kinds of things more and more, recently.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 19
Kudos: 35





	See you in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't like to read this kind of fic most of the time, much less write it, but this idea ate my brain and wouldn't let go. This does not have a happy ending -- you have been warned. Some content warnings in the end notes. I have a lot of experience with the subject matter depicted here; I hope I've done it justice. I wasn't sure I was going to post this, but hixystix convinced me it was good enough. Writing it felt therapeutic; I hope it'll help someone else out there. 
> 
> I'm going to count this under my bingo card for "amnesia;" in my experience, amnesia the way it's depicted in the movies isn't really all that common anyway. This... I think a lot more people have experience with.

Zeb woke with a start. 

“Sleepin’ on the job, Orrelios,” he scolded himself. He’d been in the middle of something, but what? Probably his never-ending stack of reports; Sasha was always getting on him about those. 

Speaking of… 

“Where is that man,” he growled to himself. Just like his Alexsandr, to try and go running off into trouble without him. 

Not that he’d be on Echo Base, usually, he’d always been off Fulcrum-ing when the rebellion had been there, but maybe he was here - he felt like he’d just seen him this morning.

Zeb felt a growing sense of unease as he looked around. Echo Base was eerily quiet today. There was no one around, and the constant beeping and humming of computers and droids that usually filled the air was absent. Was the power out? Was everyone in a meeting? Even the droids? Zeb was filled with a terrible sense of urgency. He was forgetting something, he knew it. 

And why was he sitting here? He had those reports he needed to finish. 

The door opened, letting in a swirl of cool evening air. A young lasat woman let herself into the room, and Zeb started. Another lasat? He blinked and shook his head, and suddenly he saw his surroundings with fresh eyes. He wasn’t on Echo Base at all, that had been years ago. He must’ve been dozing and thinking of his days in the rebellion. So where was he again? 

The woman breezed in and squeezed his shoulder, leaned close to rub her cheeks up against his. He reacted automatically, rubbing back. She looked familiar and she smelled of family, but Zeb couldn’t quite place her name. 

“How are you today, Adan?” she asked. She smiled warmly at him. Something in her smile looked so familiar. He’d almost swear it was their Lila if he didn’t know any better.

“I’m not that old am I?” he teased. “For a beautiful grown woman like yourself to call me _adan_.”

“Never.” The woman pulled up a chair with one leg and sat, squeezed his hand. “You don’t look a day over fifty.” 

Zeb snorted, then startled at a noise coming from upstairs. “Sasha?” he called. But all was quiet now, and there was no response. The woman squeezed his hand again. “My husband,” he explained to the woman, whose face fell at the words. “He’s always bumpin’ around up there. And I’m sorry, sweet pea, I didn’t catch your name.” Now the woman was frowning. Zeb cringed, feeling his ears flattening against his head. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Memory’s not what it was. Nothin’ against you.” 

“I know,” said the woman. Her voice sounded very sad. “It’s Lila, Adan.” Zeb stared. 

“No,” he said. “ _Our_ Lila? But…” as he said the words, a series of memories flashed in front of his eyes. Lila graduating from school, top of her class. Hugging Sasha, then him, as she left to join the Resistance. How he and Sasha had clung to each other that night, so sure she’d never come back. But then Sasha’d had that stroke a couple years later, nothing major, thank the Ashla, but she’d moved back to Lira San anyhow, to come and be with them. 

Zeb felt like an idiot. “I’m sorry, love. Guess my mind was somewhere else just now…” 

The woman stroked her hand over his knuckles. “It’s okay, Adan.” 

“Where is your papa, anyway? He was here this morning.” Lila hesitated. 

“He’ll be home soon, I’m sure.” Zeb peered out the window, to see if he was coming up the lane. But there was nobody there. 

“Well, he’s gonna be late for supper. And then he’ll be cranky all night.” 

“We’ll eat without him if we have to. What do you want for dinner, Adan?” 

Zeb waved a hand. “I’m not fussed. We can have whatever your papa wants.”

“I’m asking what _you_ want.” She sounded annoyed now. 

“Whatever’s easiest for you, sweet pea,” he said, doing his best to hide his own annoyance. “Maybe some salad. Don’t want your papa havin’ another stroke. That man is so stubborn,” he groused. “Did ya make him take his meds, by the way? I get the feelin’ he’s been skippin’ ‘em…” 

“We’ll have salad then,” said Lila, ignoring Zeb’s fears about the meds. She patted his hand and rose from her chair. Zeb craned his neck around, looking for Alexsandr. 

“Sasha,” he called again, letting his frustration creep into his voice. He knew Sasha would hear it, and hopefully stop whatever it was he was doing up there. “Come on, Lila’s makin’ supper!” Still no response. Maybe he was in the garden? Zeb peered out the window, but it was too dark to see anything. Now Zeb was starting to get worried. It was unlike Alexsandr to stay out this late. He reached for his comm, but he couldn’t find it. 

“Lila,” he called out into the kitchen. “Have you seen my comm? I’m going to call your father!” 

“Don’t worry about it, Adan,” Lila called back. “I’ll call him for you. Why don’t you read your book you’ve got there?” 

“I’ll just call him, sweet pea, you’re busy in there.” She didn’t respond. Fine then. He levered himself up from his chair, cracking his back as he did so. Now where was that comm link? He made his unsteady way over to the table, cursing his old knees. He finally made it over to the table, leaning heavily on it and catching his breath. From walking across the room - bah! Getting old was _horrible_ . He leaned heavily on the table looking under books and papers, becoming more frantic as it became clear it wasn’t here. Alexsandr always put it here when he left it around; that was their system. “ _Karabast,”_ he said under his breath. 

“Is it in there, Lila?” he called out again. He heard her sigh, then saw her poke her head into the living room. 

“Here, Adan,” she said. She sounded really annoyed now. She stalked over and took him by the arm. “Come sit back down. Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.” 

“Then we really need to call him,” insisted Zeb, annoyed himself that she was just ignoring him. “He’s gonna get cranky if he doesn’t eat.” 

“ADAN.” Zeb stopped looking around on the table and finally looked into Lila’s face. There were tears in her eyes. His heart dropped into his stomach. 

“What’s wrong, sweet pea?” he asked, taken aback, brushing a hand at the corners of her eyes like she was a kit. She always would be his kit. 

“Sit down, Adan,” she repeated, her voice softer this time. Zeb let Lila lead him back to his chair. She sat down and took his hand once more. 

“Papa’s not here,” she said, looking into his eyes. Tears still sparkled in the corners of hers. “Remember? He rejoined the Ashla two years ago.” 

“What?” said Zeb, his heart seizing with a sudden icy chill. “No.” He shook his head, then again. “I just saw him this morning!” Lila squeezed his hand.

“You didn’t.” Lila’s voice was almost a whisper. “He had another stroke, two years ago. He didn’t make it this time.” 

“No.” Zeb was glad Lila had made him sit down, because he felt weak all over. “No, he can’t be….” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. “I just saw him this morning! Sasha!” He called it again, bellowed it so that it rang throughout the house. Tears were running down his face, he realized. He tried to swallow them back, but couldn’t. 

“He’s not here, Adan.” Lila’s voice was gentle. “C’mon, it’ll be okay. Let’s have dinner.” 

“It’s not okay,” said Zeb, his voice breaking. “How can it be okay?” 

“It’s been a long time.” Her gentle voice was beginning to irritate him now. “He’s at peace now. Let him be at peace.” 

Zeb put his face into his hands, working hard to suppress his tears. He took many deep shuddering breaths before he managed to calm his breathing. He still didn’t manage to suppress the hitch in his voice when he asked: “He died two years ago?”

“Mmhmm.”

“And what year is it now?” And Lila of course understood what he was really asking.

“He was eighty-seven. He lived a long and happy life, and he was healthy right up until the end. And it was quick... he didn’t suffer at all.”

“Was he alone?” Just the thought had tears threatening in his eyes again; Lila was quick to soothe him.

“You and I were both with him at the end. We both told him how much we loved him.” 

Zeb gripped tightly back at Lila’s hand; she squeezed it reassuringly. “Why can’t I remember any of this?” 

“It’s okay, Adan. Why don’t you come eat dinner with me, get your mind off it?”

Eating was the last thing Zeb wanted to do right now, and he told Lila so. He heard the frustration creep back into her voice and she argued with him about dinner and he started to feel frustrated too; did she not have any sympathy? Was she not upset her papa was gone? 

“Well come sit with me and keep me company while I eat at least,” she said finally. 

“All right,” said Zeb grudgingly and allowed her to pull him up, take his arm as they walked over to the kitchen. She helped him sit, then turned her back for a few more moments, finishing up the simple salad that she and Alexsandr both loved. She came back to the table, placing a bowl of the salad and a plate with the sweet spiced _orok_ he loved in front of him anyway. He gave her a look and she winked at him. 

“Just in case.”

Zeb let Lila fill the ensuing silence with chatter about her day - working in med droid development research, she always had taken after her father - first picking at his _orok_ , then starting to eat it with more gusto as the pit in his stomach started to fade a bit. He finished off the fruit and started picking the spiced nuts and meat from his salad, his mind wandering. Lila’s work was very interesting, but he just couldn’t wrap his mind around what she was talking about half the time anymore. 

Lila was just finishing up her dinner when something occurred to Zeb. “Where’s your papa? He’s missing dinner. He’s going to be so cranky.” A sense of dread filled his chest, but he wasn’t sure why. His nose was stuffy and his voice felt thick, like he’d been crying. Why would he have been crying? Lila sighed, the smile fading from her face, and rubbed her eyes.

“He had to go on an overnight trip. Why don’t we get to bed, okay? If you go to sleep, you’ll hardly have to wait to see him in the morning.” 

An overnight trip? That seemed odd, but Zeb accepted it. He did tend to forget these kinds of things more and more, recently. 

“S’pose yer right.” He stretched his sore back and pushed himself up from his chair. Lila was at his side in an instant, holding onto his arm again. 

“I can walk ya know,” he grumbled, trying to pull away, but she didn’t let him break her grip. 

“I know. Just let me go with you, okay?” 

Zeb rolled his eyes. “Fine. One day this’ll be you and you’ll be yellin’ at _your_ kit.” 

“And one day, I’m not gonna have my Adan anymore.” Instantly, Zeb’s bad mood melted away. He purred deep in his chest and hugged Lila to his side. She was tall, taller than him, now. Stronger than him, too. He and Sasha had done an okay job, he thought. 

“Yer right, yer right.” 

Lila helped him through his nightly routine -- although not too much, he wasn’t totally decrepit yet - and helped him into the bed he and Sasha had gotten when the bed pit had got to be too far down on the ground for their old bones. Sasha was nowhere to be found, though. 

“Where’s your papa? He still out?” 

“He’s on an overnight trip, remember, Adan?” That did sound familiar. 

“Right, right. Guess it’s just little ol’ me tonight. All by my lonesome.” Lila made a strange sound in her throat, but when she spoke again, she sounded normal enough. 

“He’ll be back in the morning. Then you can tell him how you really feel.” Zeb chuckled.

  
“Like he doesn’t already know.” Zeb yawned. It seemed like everything took it out of him these days, even something as simple as getting ready for bed. He was half asleep by the time Lila reached the door. 

“Goodnight, Adan,” she said softly. “Love you.” 

“Love you too, sweet pea,” said Zeb, his eyes closing. The door closed, and Zeb patted the cold other half of the bed next to him. “L’ashkerrir an, Sasha,” he whispered. “See you in the morning.” 

**Author's Note:**

> cw: Dementia, off-screen major character death, not remembering the death of a spouse 
> 
> For those of you who may be dealing with this with a loved one, it's best not to do what Lila does here (although sometimes you just can't avoid it); it's always best to try to redirect. Trying to ground your love one in reality won't really help them in the long run, and it may just bring up unpleasant memories that will just distress them. Check out[this list](https://www.caregiver.org/ten-real-life-strategies-dementia-caregiving) for some nice tips on caring for a loved one with dementia.


End file.
